280+ December Jokes for Christmas, Winter & New Year's

December jokes bring the perfect blend of seasonal cheer and laughter during the year’s most festive month. As the holiday season unfolds with Christmas celebrations, winter weather, and New Year’s preparations, these funny December one-liners and seasonal quips provide much-needed comic relief from the cold and chaos. Whether you’re looking to entertain family gatherings, spice up holiday cards, or simply bring smiles during the shortest days of the year, this massive collection of December humor has something for every occasion and age group. From Christmas cracker jokes that’ll have everyone groaning to clever winter puns that melt away the cold, you’re about to discover the ultimate arsenal of seasonal comedy that will make this December the most memorable and laughter-filled yet!

Christmas-Themed December Jokes 🎄

Why was the Christmas tree so bad at knitting? It kept dropping its needles!
What do elves use to take notes in school? Their elf-abet.
Why was Santa’s helper looking sad? He had low elf-esteem.
What do you call a cat on the beach during Christmas? Sandy Claws.
Why did the gingerbread man get kicked out of the party? Because he was acting like a smart cookie.
What is Santa’s favorite subject in school? Chemistry—he loves experimenting with Ho-Ho-Ho-xygen!
What do you call an elf that spits sick bars? A wrapper.
Why did Rudolph flunk school? Because he went down in history!
What’s Santa’s tax status? Elf-employed.
What do elves use to make sandwiches? Shortbread.
What nationality is Santa? North Polish.
Why did the Christmas cookie go to the hospital? It was feeling crummy.
Where does Santa stay during vacations? At the ho-ho-hotel.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa? Claus-trophobic.
What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? Orna-mints.

Winter Wonderland Jokes ❄️

What is the coldest month of the year? Decem-brrrrrrr!
What often falls in the winter but never gets hurt? Snow.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-ntain.
Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snowbank.
What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie.
What do you call a well-balanced horse? Stable.
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
What would bears be without bees? Ears.
What’s a snowman’s favorite breakfast? Frosted flakes.
How do snowmen get around? By riding an “icicle.”
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite.
What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps.
What’s a snowman’s favorite game? Freeze tag.
Why did the snowman go to the garden? To pick his nose.
How do snowmen call their kids inside? “Come on, chill-dren!”

New Year’s Eve Jokes 🎉

Did you hear about the guy who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s? They gave him 12 months.
What did one snowman say to the other on New Year’s? I only have ice for you.
How do astronauts host a New Year’s Eve party in space? They planet.
Where did medieval people go to celebrate New Year’s Eve? Knight clubs.
What kind of bagel travels on New Year’s? A plain bagel.
When does New Year’s come before Thanksgiving? In the dictionary.
Which month has 28 days? All of them.
Why did the invisible man skip watching the ball drop on New Year’s Eve? He just couldn’t see himself doing it.
I’m not a hard drinker on New Year’s. In fact, I find it pretty easy.
My boss told me to enjoy New Year’s Eve. So I didn’t go to work.
My New Year’s resolution was to become a gold prospector. But it didn’t pan out.
I once told a chemistry joke at a New Year’s party, but I didn’t get much of a reaction.
Don’t be jealous, but I have a date this New Year’s. It’s December 31.
If you sprinkle sugar on your pillow on New Year’s Eve will you start the year with sweet dreams?
This year, I plan on fixing breakfast at 11:50 on December. 31 so I can make a New Year’s toast.

Family-Friendly December Jokes 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

Where do pigs buy their Christmas presents? On Ham-azon.
What kind of photos do elves like to take? Elf-ies.
What is the name of Santa’s cat? Santa Paws.
Where does Santa and his elves go to vote? The North Poll.
How do you know Santa is good at karate? He has a black belt.
What do you call a really mean reindeer? Rude-olph.
Where does the Gingerbread Man sleep? On a cookie sheet.
What is red, white, and blue at Christmas time? A sad candy cane.
What does Santa say when he walks backwards? “Oh, oh, oh”.
Why did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks!
What’s a parent’s favourite Christmas carol? Silent Night!
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field!

December Dad Jokes 😂

Why does Santa go down chimneys? Because it soots him.
How much does Santa pay for parking? Nothing, it’s on the house.
Why did Mrs. Claus go to the bakery? She wanted to get a little extra “dough” for Christmas.
What’s Santa’s favorite workout? Sleigh bells.
Why do Christmas trees love tradition? Because they always stick to their roots.
What do you call Santa when he loses his pants? Saint Knicker-less.
Why is Christmas just like your job? You do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
What’s Santa’s favorite type of music? Wrap.
Why do reindeer like Beyoncé? Because she sleighs.
What do you call an elf that runs away? A rebel without a Claus.
Why did the Christmas cookie cry? Because his mom was a wafer so long.
Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho.
Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital? Because he has private elf care.
What do you call an old snowman? Water.
What do you call a broke Santa? Saint Nickel-less.

Best December Knock-Knock Jokes 🚪

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are here again!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow business like show business!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anna. Anna who? Anna happy new year!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut who? Doughnut open until Christmas morning!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ho-ho. Ho-ho who? Your Santa impression needs a little work!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Yule. Yule who? Yule never guess what’s under the tree!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Elf. Elf who? Elf you don’t open this door, I’ll freeze!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Snowflake. Snowflake who? Snowflake it till you make it!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rudolph. Rudolph who? Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kent. Kent who? Kent answer the door right now, I’m watching the ball drop.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Accordion. Accordion who? Accordion to the clock, it’s midnight.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I go out for dinner on New Year’s.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jewel. Jewel who? Jewel be happy to know it’s 2025!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good restaurant open on New Year’s?

December Food Jokes 🍪

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
Why did the gingerbread man sprain his leg? The doctor told him to try icing it.
What’s Santa’s favorite snack? Ho-Ho’s.
Why do mummies like Christmas? All the wrapping.
What do you call an elf that makes great sandwiches? Shortbread.
What do you call a broke Santa? Saint Nickel-less.
What do ducks do before Christmas dinner? Pull their Christmas quackers!
What did the turkey say to the hunter on Christmas? Quack, quack!
How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas turkey? On the dark side!
What do you get if you cross a turkey and a centipede? Drumsticks for everyone at Christmas!
Why did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks!
When is a turkey dinner bad for your health? When you’re the turkey!
What do you call a Christmas dessert that’s gone bad? Mouldy Christmas pudding!
Why did the fruitcake refuse to jump? It was too dense!
What do you call a snowman’s favorite drink? Ice tea!

December Animal Jokes 🦌

What do dogs think Christmas trees are? Christmas pee spots.
What do you call Santa’s dog? Santa Paws.
Why don’t penguins like talking to strangers at Christmas? Because they find it hard to break the ice.
Why don’t penguins ever get into arguments at Christmas? They just let things slide.
What do you call a Yeti with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
Why do ducks have feathers? To cover up their butt quack.
What do you call a reindeer wearing earmuffs? Anything you want — he can’t hear you!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
What did the beaver say to the Christmas tree? Been nice gnawing you.
If baseball players get athlete’s foot, what do reindeer get? Mistle-toes.
Why do reindeer have fur coats? Because they look silly in snow suits.
What do you call a shark who owns a Christmas present company? Santa Jaws!
What do you call a cat who works for Santa? Santa Claws!
Which dangerous cookie was found in the advent calendar? A Ninja-bread man.

Holiday Character Jokes 🎅

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!
What says ‘Oh-Oh-Oh’? Santa walking backward!
What do you call someone who’s scared of Santa? Claustrophobic!
Why don’t you ever see Father Christmas in hospital? Because he has private elf care!
What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!
Why did the Grinch afraid of Santa Claus? He was Claustrophobic.
Why is Scrooge so nice to reindeer? He values every buck.
What was Scrooge’s favorite bug? The ba hum bug.
What’s Santa’s favorite state? Idaho-ho-ho.
Why do Christmas trees like hanging around Santa? Because they love being in the presents of greatness.
Why doesn’t Santa ever buy anything? He only travels with a few bucks.
Why was Santa so good at karate? Because he had a black belt.
What do you call Santa in the Bahamas? Sandy Claus.
Why did Santa go to art school? He wanted to improve his elf-portrait.
Why did Santa get kicked out of the game? He kept sleighing the competition.

Winter Weather Jokes 🌨️

How do you know when it’s too cold for a snowman? When he starts using an electric blanket!
What did one snowflake say to the other snowflake? You’re one in a million!
Why did the snowman bring a broom to the snowball fight? To sweep the competition!
What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle!
Why are mountains the funniest places in winter? Because they have peak humor!
What falls in winter but never gets hurt? Snow!
What’s a snowman’s favorite drink? Ice tea!
Why don’t snowmen like the sun? It gives them a meltdown.
What do you call an old snowman? Water.
What’s it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum? A meltdown.
What type of diet did the snowman go on? The Meltdown Diet.
What does a snowman take when he’s sick? Frost-aid!
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle!

December Wordplay & Puns 📝

What’s the best part about school during the winter? Snow and tell.
What do you have in December that you can’t have in any other month? The letter D.
Why are winters good storytellers? They have cool plots.
What happened to the snowball thief? He got cold feet.
Why don’t snowmen argue? They just let it slide.
What’s a penguin’s favorite relative? Aunt Arctica.
Why did the sled blush? It saw the hill undressed.
What’s colder than cold? Iceolated puns.
Why did the glove laugh? It found things handy.
What does Santa spend his wages on? Jingle bills!
How long are an elf’s legs? Just long enough to reach the ground!
Which one of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves? Dancer!
What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck? A Christmas quacker!
What should you never eat on New Year’s Eve? Fire Crackers!
How do you turn a Christmas tree into a reindeer? You decorate it with HORNaments!

December Cultural Jokes 🌍

Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn.
Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were canceled.
How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? One that’s deep pan, crisp and even!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp and even!
What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show!
Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas? Noël Coward!
What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread.
Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have.
What is Dominic Cummings’ favorite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas.
Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen.
Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity.
Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop? Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days!
Christmas gifts in 2020 were delivered on January 8 2021 instead of December 25 2020. Santa has been asked to quarantine for 14 days.

Conclusion: Spreading December Cheer Through Laughter

December jokes serve as the perfect ingredient to brighten the shortest, coldest days of the year with warmth and laughter. Whether you’re sharing funny Christmas quips with family, entertaining coworkers with winter puns, or ringing in the New Year with hilarious toasts, these 250+ seasonal jokes provide endless opportunities for connection and joy. The beauty of December humor lies in its ability to bring people together across generations and backgrounds, creating shared moments of laughter that become cherished holiday memories. As you navigate the busyness of this festive season, remember that a well-timed joke can lighten moods, strengthen bonds, and capture the true spirit of the holidays—joy, togetherness, and celebration. Here’s to a December filled with warmth, wonder, and wonderful laughter!